Author: charlie | Submitted: Mar 30 2004 at 11:07:50 AM People Squeezing the Lime into My Goddamn Gin and Tonic When the good lord chose to give the holy gift of gin to mankind, he didn't intend for it to be treated with disdain, and basically raped in a glass nightly, for the amusement of a bunch of tasteless London rich wankers who can't appreciate subtlety, and think that as long as there's a shit load of something exotic being poured down their throat or snorted up their nose, then they're acting with sophistication and charm. Gin is a truly wonderful invention, pretty simply in its conception (distil grain spirit, but let it condense over spices, herbs, and fruits), but immensely tricky to get right. The end result is beauty in booze form, but it's a powerful beauty, a beauty that should not be ignored or abused, and yet every time I walk into a bar where there's a lot of fake wood and chrome, I get served this obscene concoction whereby the barman casually tosses some good gin, crushed ice, and reasonable tonic water (I appreciate that you will probably accuse me of not paying too much attention to the quality of the tonic water, but to be honest, pretty much every bar or pub in Britain now serves reasonable tonic water, it's only really in France and Germany that the tonic water doesn't work, which isn't to say it's bad, it just works much better with tequila, so that's what I advise doing when in those countries; Spain's I found to be very good, and I can't remember Holland, but I presume it was good) into an irritating glass, and then grabs a lime, halves it, and squeezes the entire contents of the lime into the glass. I'm presuming this all derives from feelings of insecurity on the part of both the barman and the regular punter:
1. The barman wants to look cool. It looks more cool to squeeze lime halves into a glass than gently deposit a small slice of lemon into the glass before adding the gin and tonic.
2. The punter feels that the small slice of lemon approach is something their mother would have done, and so have to find an arbitrary way of making it youthful and invigorating again. Wanker.
To be honest, I think the marketing departments of the various gins are partly responsible as well, and that's just because they want to make more money, which at least I can empathise with, but the end result is me getting a shitty quality drink for three times the price. I actually have to lean over the bar, and shout detailed instructions into the barman's ear every time I want a drink in one of these holes. I obviously have to shout, because they'll always have the Greatest Hits of Nathan Barley blaring out of the speakers, probably the Boards of Canada, or something, who I quite like, but I resent having played to me as some kind of statement of self-conscious unconventionality by a flat-pack, assembly-line bar populated by identical slim blondes, and intricately untidily coiffeured men wearing expensive trousers.
It's very simple, it's about subtlety: something not normally associated with me as regards my "never enough chilli or garlic" philosophy to cooking, I accept that. But I can do subtlety, I just don't think that many foodstuffs deserve subtlety, especially not supermarket-bought meat. Gin, on the other hand, does deserve subtlety, as well as respect and awe. All it needs is a "hint". I know it's a cliche, but that really is all it needs. Keep things simple, don't go over-engineering something that already works incredibly well. I'm not trying to be a gin Nazi, I'm a big fan of gin and orange juice, gin and grapefruit juice, gin instead of vodka in sea breezes etc. but don't give me a gin and lime cunt-daiquiri when I ask for a gin and tonic. |
