Great Headlines II
21st April 2009 |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
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From: Chuckles | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
I wonder how they taste. |
From: Seffers | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Köstlichste |
From: Chuckles | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
OK, so to get a bit technical, but conversation seems to have died anyway. The inflation measures for March have come out. If you include mortgage costs, the measure(RPI) has actually gone negative (so it's too low), which means our salaries should be cut (but then again, if we get a pay freeze, you could argue it would be like a pay rise). But if you don't take financing costs into account, the measure(CPI) is still around 3%, which is above the target measure set by the government (so it's too high).
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/8009718.stm
So inflation is currently both too high, and too low. Man alive, I would hate to be Alistair Darling right now: nobody's got any idea what to do, and whatever he does, he's going to get blamed, because things aren't very likely to get better until we actually slaughter all the finance professionals like me and MANT, and nationalise the banks properly (personal opinion creeping in here, of course - I have no idea if nationalising the banks fully will make any difference, but having fewer massive companies probably won't be a bad thing for the long term). |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Goddam, I hate you and MANT.
The first time I am in a decent job, and performing at a high standard so I would get a top pay rise, and you two bugger up the economy. So although I have a higher share, the pot is tiny. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Sorry Gypsy. Maybe we should sell off some assets, like the Falklands, Pitcairn islands, rights to the Arctic, government art, to raise some cash? |
From: Chuckles | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
To whom? The yanks? They've got bigger fish to fry than bailiing out the limeys. |
From: The Mighty Reptile | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Selling off the Pitcairn Islands?! Is that what this once great nation has come to?! It’s just another example of “Broken Britain”. I blame the imergrunt’s/Nurses/Effnicks. Gone are the days when a citizen of Blighty could cock a snook at Johnny foreigner secure in the knowledge if he got uppity we could always send a gun boat over to slaughter his women and children. Ah those were the days. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
I reckon the Argies would want the Falklands, but if they didnt we could sell it to either the Palestinians or to the Israelis and then they could live there instead of Israel/Palestine and that would sort out that mess finally too as they'd be separated by a lot of Sea. The palestinians dont have much cash so the UN could buy it off of us and sell it to them.
I sense another letter to the Times... |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
It is fine... I'm not really contributing to the economy at the moment.
Mind you, sales of lottery tickets are going up. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
I couldn't resist buying a ticket so that i'll win £65,000,000 this week on the euromillions. If I do i promise i'll spend it wisely. |
From: Chuckles | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Buy the pitcairns. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Isn't it full of r4pists and inbred children? I could give them to the Seffalice as a wedding present i guess, make them feel at home. |
From: The Mighty Reptile | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Wait, I see a plan forming:
Mant wins the lottery, buys the Pitcairns and relocates the entire nation of Palestine there where he rules over them as a despotic emperor while sharing none of their core beliefs or values ( a bit like a modern day sultan of Hydrabad). Mant continues to prosecute Jihadic war against the nation of Israel for no better reason the the Pitcairn islands are quite boring (even when accompanied by tens of thousands of your loyal subjects).
There is no way that isn’t a foolproof plan. |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
Exmouth -> Pitcairns?
Frying pan -> fire. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
I'm a big fan of hummous and Koftas so I think I'd get on well with the Palestinians.
Gypsy - can you fix that I win the lottery? |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
To take the logical step onwards (and to elegantly tie e-mail meta threads together)
Seffalice could smuggle over N4zi cows to the Pitcairns, where the Palestinians could use them to hunt down zionists, and recapture their land.
Then MANT could help the Jews flee the Israeli-Bovine conflict in a profiteering way - a la Oscar Schindler - raising enough money to by the Falklands off the British. |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
I guess a Nazi cow could have picked up how to goose-step from hanging around the farmyard pond..
Oh, and there arent any zionists on Pitcairn, just r4pists, so the Palestinians will be happy. Getting r4ped all the time, but happy. |
From: The Mighty Reptile | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
We're getting off the point a little. Once the Falklands is secured Mant could invite the Kurds, the famously dispossessed Islamic nation, to settle there under similar terms to the Palestinians. This gives him two strategic bases from which to strike South America. The war will be swift and decisive; within, say, 4 weeks most of South America will be under Palestinian/Kurdish (now known as Mantish for obvious reasons) rule giving Mant a secure base from which to continue his bid for world domination.
Well, it would certainly work in Risk. |
From: GypsyBoy | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
If we were living in the 1940s, we would be...
MANT - Profiteer / Black Marketeer
Chuckles - At Bletchley Park, meant to be cracking codes, but actually putting the war effort back by years whilst he uses Collossus to translate Ulysses onto ticker tape.
Reptile - filming propaganda films... "Hey you! Yes you! Is that brockwurst you are feeding to your German Shepherd? Don't you know there is a war on?"
Gypsy - Minor clerk in War Bonds office
Seffers - Murderer of prostitutes |
From: MANT | Date: 21st April 2009 | Subject: Great Headlines II
My only obstacle is the re-formed Shining Path in Peru that have stranegly resurfaced in the last 3 weeks and are led by a tall, skinny, bearded twat in a rowing boat. |
