CKGT Film Pitches
Add a Film
Billy TurtleDie Hard meets The Little Mermaid
(Animated feature) Billy Turtle, voiced by Adam Sandler, a spoilt alcoholic sea turtle is recklessly living out his youth in the Indian Ocean. Life changes when a wisecracking limpet attaches itself to his shell, and try as he might, he can't shake it. Eventually he learns to value it, especially when it slips into a position where it's endlessly fellating him.
Brainy Brainy Fish BoyDie Hard meets A Touch of Evil
School simpleton, Jimmy Johnny Johnboy Jones, asks the most beautiful girl in class for a date. After being laughed out of the mall by her jock friends, he stumbles home in tears and accidentally gets trapped in a container lorry of herring. After eating all the fish he becomes the brainiest boy in the world and helps his high school win the interstate sorority chess championship, winning the hearts of all the sorority chess babes and the respect of the jocks.
Charlie's Angels 3Die Hard meets Wings of Desire
After dying of a bone wasting disease Charlie's Angels go to heaven, where they are asked by God (always off-screen and talking through a gold trumpet supported by Seraphims) to provide solace to Christian souls in need, by sucking bad guys' souls out through their eyes.
Danny T's BinfernoBewitched meets Firestarter
Danny is tired of farm life, but finds he has the ability to set fire to waste products using only his mind.
He gets into all sorts of scrapes, and evades using his "party piece".
The story could continue after he is imprisoned. Caught red handed staring at a waste compactor, gurning, red in the face, chanting "You can do it Duffy Moon - You can do it duffy Moon" (The Bolivian drug barons he is trying to incinerate get away..... the irony of it)
Death in Venice IIDie Hard meets La Dolce Vita
At Professor von Aschenbach's funeral, Tadzio (now played by Leonardo DiCaprio) is given a machine gun by a mysterious stranger, and told that he is inheritor to the title of Doge. On his return from the funeral, he topples the piled shopping of scatty Italian beauty Roberta(Cameron Diaz), who turns out to be the daughter of a shady politician Giovanni Carravaggio (Richard Griffiths). Tadzio uncovers a plot to sink Venice when the Olympic games come to town.
Dexys Midnight Runners,,,The Movie!!Pucker Up For A Gypsy's Kiss!
Finally...the long awaited film debut of everyone's favourite raggle-taggle bunch of musical diddicoys arrives! Dexys Midnight Runners...The Movie!!
Kevin Rowland is tired of selling pegs, tarmaccing drives, putting curses on people and being mistaken for David Essex. He knows he has a talent and someday aims to wail his way to the top of the charts. This talent will soon be put to the test when evil county councillor Jocky Wilson threatens to move Kevin and his friends on. Can Kevin aka 'Dexy' and his friends the Midnight Runners raise enough money with their impromptu music festival to pay the council off and impress Kevin's unrequited sweetheart, serial killer Aileen Wuornos? All will be revealed in what critics are calling 'all a bit after the fact, really'.
FROM THE MAKERS OF 'TEARS FOR FEARS IN SPACE'
Don't Take Things To HartWeak pun generates strained idea for film
Tony Hart (Tony Hart) has been ostracised by his community for a crime he didn't commit and is left naked and alone atop a mountain, with villagers strictly forbidden to send him clothes or nourishment. Only one man (Lou Diamond Phillips) is prepared to amend this injustice, but can he do it alone? Stars Tony Hart and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Eponymous HeroDie Hard meets The Unbearable Lightness of Being
In a dystopian future where the entire population have had their brains fitted with computer programs that plot their thought processes and predict their future behaviour, Jack T. Eponymous discovers he can break the programming by removing his cranial cap and scalding his brain with freshly brewed tea every ten minutes. Join him as he runs away from leather-coated, futuristic policemen with the ability to perform origami with their skins. Features an annoying twist at the end where it turns out that the dictatorship knew he was going to do that all along really, but for hazy reasons, they let him get away with it.
Graduate ClubDie Hard meets Brief Encounter
With his relationship with an attractive young starlet recently ended, an angry young man (Josh Harnett) stalks gritty 1950s South London, romancing and beating to a bloody pulp a succession of needy older women (Meryl Streep, Susan Saradon, Barbara Cartland).
Junior HomicidePress Gang meets Se7en
Bumbling, short-sighted thirteen year old Ian Sefton is very proud of his father, Stephen Sefton. His Da's a Chief-Inspector in the Strathclyde Police Force. However, when Stephen Sefton is laid low with a nasty cold, Ian sees his opportunity and dresses up in his father's clothes, and heads to Glasgow Central Police Station, for a day in a grown-up's life! After various embarrassing starts at the police station involving paperwork and urination, Ian's quickly got the hang of getting vomited on by smack-heads, and rounding up underage hookers. However, after he sees a hideously mangled and brutalised corpse, he vows to discover who the infamous Ivanhoe Sex Killer really is.
LAMACQ!Die Hard meets that shit film Prince did set in France
Musical biopic written by and starring Steve Lamacq. Lonely shrew faced schoolboy Steve Lamacq dreams of a day when he doesn't get picked last for games and girls come up and talk to him about China Drum. Then one afternoon, after a paticularly savage beating, he is visited by Edwyn Collins 6000, a ghost robot from the future that wees cider. Before he knows it, young Steve is up to his concave arse in intrigue, and the quest to retrieve John Peel's eggs has begun!
Menace 2 Society 2Die Hard meets Age of Innocence
Four South Central gangbangers are transported back to 19th century Russia after smoking a sack of super chronic endo thai shit. Initially shunned by high society, their wise-cracking ways, eccentricity, and perfect duelling record win the hearts and eventually make them the toast of high circles.
Rocky 6Die Hard meets 7th Seal
Sylvester Stallone is magically transported into the future, and the only way for him to get back is to step into the ring one more time. This time with an armour-plated dinosaur who he loves.
The Dispassion Of The ChristThe Robe meets The Omega Man
On ascending to heaven, Jesus finds himself at a bit of a loose end.
The Rock 2Die Hard meets Gridlock'd
Starring Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery as two crackheads trying to rehabilitate. They learn that the government's trying to keep them addicted and there's a useful rehab drug available, with only one thing in the way: the US army.
Tread Softly on My DreamsTotal Eclipse meets Die Hard
Radical, high-concept retelling of the life of William Butler Yeats (Vin Diesel). Charting the career of the poet from his childhood in County Sligo being trained in knife arts by a mystical Celtic Forest Spirit (played with comical aplomb by Gabriel Byrne) to his move to London to found the Rhymer's Club with John Rhys (LL Cool J), a poetry club whose real purpose is to fight off the British government sponsored organised crime in Ireland. Back in Dublin, when the newly-founded Abbey Theatre is threatened by a local mafia, Yeats, Rhys, and wise-cracking con-artist / playwright J.M. Synge (Edward Norton) head back to Ireland for one final confrontation with heiress and satanist Maude Gonne (Catherine Zeta-Jones).
Trouble and StrifeRancid Aluminium meets Die Hard
Karen (Emily Mortimer) is the long-suffering wife of small time London hood Leo (Rufus Sewell). Leo is gunned down in Spitalfields market one morning when planning to pick up a shipment of high-quality crack. Karen teams up with her other hard-bitten, cynical, but ultimately sympathetic gangster molls and takes on the London gangster network. Features several variations on the theme of "we can do this the easy way, or..." and various knowing uses of rhyming slang. A fresh take on the never-fails formula of London gangster flicks. Basically exactly the same as every other one, but with girls. Features a cameo of John Gielgud's animatronically reincarnated corpse as a robotic, Moriarty-style Criminal Overlord.
Ulysses 2Die Hard meets Angela's Ashes
Lovable family man Leopold Bloom (played by Russell Crowe) wakes up after a day's drinking with a medley of comical Dublin rogues with a hangover and the ability to shoot 6 inch metallic bolts from his navel. Discovering an English conspiracy to turn all Dubliners into stammering, floppy-haired, upper-class dandies, Bloom takes on Patrick Stewart and the might of the British Empire, helped only by his cheeky American-Irish sidekick Jake Murphy (Dan Ackroyd).
Add a Film
|
